Sign up now to gain access to this exciting new revision to the Holy Book! — Since there are no copyright restrictions on the Holy Bible, I’ve decided to print and publish my own R-rated version for distribution exclusively to red states like Wyoming and Florida. Think “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” meets Stormy Daniels, with a god-smacked twist. Fair warning: Because it’s an illustrated…

Why are Bible Belters no longer following the Holy Laws? — When Jenna Ortega and Marcello Hernández used Saturday Night Live to reintroduce America to Waffle House fighting, which has long been a thing in the South after 11 pm or so, I was reminded that many of its traditional rules are no longer being followed. So, in honor of the…

Spammers flooded the Clarkesworld submissions platform with AI-generated crap — It is now clear that the only way to hold the creators of AI software accountable is to make them pay the costs for the damage their software is creating. We need some legislation now, not in ten years. To explain why my dander has exploded out of my head…

Pandemic fiction about discovering those closest to us — 1. Later that afternoon I asked my wife what my daughter’s name was. She said, “Amy, silly”, and my only thought was to challenge her. “Are you sure that’s her name? When’s the last time you talked to her?” Amy was sitting at the kitchen table as I asked this, bobbing…

Let’s jump to the year 2035 to take a drive in our 2020 Tesla — AUGUST, 2035 — My granddaughter took out the hammer and screwdriver she always carries in her backpack, lodged the screwdriver into the Tesla’s driver’s side door handle, and pounded it with the hammer. Somehow, it worked. It always does, but only when she does it. The door opened enough for…

We need formal definitions for things so the generations can understand each other — We really need to stop all the generational infighting. This is my contribution to peace in our time. There’s the boomer definition for stuff and Gen Z’s (and millennials') definition. It’s all simple enough that none of it needs an explanation. Let’s embrace our differences and have a group hug. …

Red states don’t need to be red if jobs are guaranteed for all — It’s election night. You’re watching the latest results, marveling at little blue spots in a sea of red while wondering, “How do Democrats ever win any elections at all?” We all understand that those blue spots represent urban enclaves of righteousness and that the sea of red represents indignation, but…

Is there a vaccine for preventing old white guy stupidity? — I’m wondering what happens to older white guys who say things like, “Five or ten years ago bedrock liberalism was driving to become a colorblind society where we don’t do race.” That was Bill Maher in a CNN interview I just saw on YouTube. He was complaining, like so many…

Dispatches from the Chicago mayoral election — After Lori Lightfoot’s defeat in the Chicago mayoral election, the headlines from the New York Times newsletter, The Morning, declared: “After a crime surge, Chicago voters have ousted their current mayor.” Then, it led off with this: A progressive problem Chicago’s mayor race has joined the growing list of evidence…