Thanks for sharing the loneliness of alcoholic drinking. I've struggled all my life with it - luckily with very long periods of sobriety. (including now) .

Relapses happen (but they aren't a sure thing!) and it's important to shake it off and start all over again. The anniversary coin is not as important as the soul.

It may sound macabre, but as I've gotten older, I've become dedicated to the idea that I want to experience death. I'm one of those people who believes we are facing a much better world when we pass, and I don't want to pass into that world in an unconscious state.

I want to experience the transition absolutely sober. I don't look forward to it, of course, but when it happens I want to be there, as it were.

I may not have a choice, of course. Certain kinds of accidents and illnesses knock us out, but I'm determined not to knock myself out. Experiencing death may be an odd thing to add to an end of the bucket list, but I feel like I'm losing out to something if I choose blackout mode as part of my final moments.

Thanks again.