I absolutely appreciate your plight. But there are ways to experience Christianity that don't involve evangelicals or even the staid mainstream denominations like Episcopal and Methodist.

If you want a quick infusion of Christian joy, head to a lively Black church and sing with them. It's an unreal experience.

You may want to check out A Course in Miracles, too. A lot of Christians think it's a heathen book, but that's all the more reason to review it. It's all about the Holy Spirit, without the guilt and shame.